voicesinmyhead - You Look Away

I try not to let my jealousies of the past get in the way of the way things are in the here and now, I really do. I try to fight down the insecurities and the times in the past I have been hurt because I know that this is different and we're not like that.

We're different. We're good together and we're strong.

But, there are times that the old feelings rise up and the jealousies come into play.

"Tamsin... what if John comes back?"

You ducked your head and looked away when I asked you that and all of my old worries came back to plague at me.

It makes me want to hold on to you and love you and never let you go.

It makes me want to try to make sure that he never returns... that he never comes back to take you away from me.

I know, I'm supposed to be better than that, right? I'm supposed to be above such petty jealousies and worries.

But I'm afraid.

I'm scared of losing you... losing you to the one person that hurt you so much that I couldn't stand to see it.

What do I do when a simple question causes you to look away and not answer?

I do what I can. I stay beside you and I love you...

And I don't ask that question ever again.



Muse: Kitty "Shadowcat" Pryde
Fandom: X-Men (and AUs)
Word Count: 234

voicesinmyhead -- Afterlife

Yeah, I believe in an afterlife.

I mean, I kind of need to. I need to believe that there is something beyond this world and beyond this life that is better. I need to have faith that this isn't all there is.

Sometimes, holding onto that belief is almost impossible.

There's so much hate and intolerance here. We've lost so many loved ones and friends in this never-ending war between humans and mutants. I've held the hands of too many people that were dying. I've cradled too many dying children who didn't understand what was happening. I've been forced to watch too many family members die just because they were in what others called the wrong place... at the way wrong time.

I have to believe in an afterlife because otherwise, what has all of this been for?

What do I expect to find when I get there? I expect to find every family or loved one that has been taken from us.

I expect peace and no more wars because some of us happen to have an extra gene in our DNA.


Muse: Kitty "Shadowcat" Pryde
Fandom: X-Men AU
Word Count: 183

voicesinmyhead -- Greatest Loss

My greatest loss?

I bet you're expecting me to say something touching about losing my innocence because I found out I was a mutant or losing my father when he was at Genosha. Or maybe you're waiting for me to talk about one of the umpteen times we all lost Jean or Xavier or Piotr? How about the time where the entire world thought that all of the X-Men were dead and those of us left behind had to find a way to deal with all of that grief and despair we were all feeling -- and have that grief turn into betrayal when we learned the truth?

And believe me, there were feelings of betrayal that they had allowed all of us to believe they were dead. After all, Logan had always been like a father to me and Ororo was like my mother.

Yeah, all of those things had their grief and loss attached to them, but none of those things were my greatest loss.

My greatest loss, the one that ripped me apart and made me feel like things would never be all right again... well, that was when I lost Tamsin to John.

It was partially my fault because she never knew how I felt about her -- a neat trick, keeping all of that from an empath. But when she started a relationship with him and left us for a time, that indeed was my greatest loss.


Muse: Kitty "Shadowcat" Pryde
Fandom: X-Men AU
Word Count: 242

voicesinmyhead -- Who Am I?

Kitty Pryde. Kitty. Katherine. Shadowcat. Kitten.

I've answered to all of them, and more.

I'm twenty-three years old and one of the X-Men. I have a truly awesome girlfriend -- Hi Tamsin! -- and I'm helping to raise her adorable three year old son.

I'm technically a hero/heroine, whatever, but there have been times where I have been known to dance along the grayer areas. Hey, with an adoptive father like Logan, you have all kinds of ways at looking at things. I'm a mutant and in a time where people hate us and take every opportunity to kill or enslave us, it's a very dangerous thing to be... or be proud of being.

I'm a computer and electronics nerd and I can do almost anything with either one -- and have.

I'm a dancer, a fighter, and I play a pretty mean game of pool -- just ask any of the guys that frequent Gus' place.

Who am I?

Hell if I know, but I'm learning.


Muse: Kitty "Shadowcat" Pryde
Fandom: X-Men AU
Words: 167